Fri 3/25 9:28 AM

Blahkitty-
 
Responding to your post about 24hr...would like to join the actors on 4/9.
 
Are you going to post pics from Chicago?
 
Please also let me know when you'll be gathering for Butoh this month...I've been working daily on some of the exercises you've shared and flowing through the process...struggling alone a bit, as being in a room working with others...well its hard to explain...its energizing and I feel a stonger connection to the dance as a group.
 
Transformation doesn't come quickly, but learning to accept help from others is getting easier... Meditation, yoga, humility, accepting responsibility, and scooping up the pieces are all part of my daily reality...I hope I can continue to receive guidance from you...my shame tells me you don't have time for losers...but my sober mind screams back and tells me not to give up.
 
I crave your respect personally and professionally...maybe one day I'll actually earn it.
 
Thanks for listening and your honesty the other day...its been helpful...wish you much fun and success with all your performances coming up...Krazy

Thu 3/31 9:03 AM

Blahkitty 
 
I saw a blog about some outdoor performances...is it volunteer basis or are you just specifically inviting performers? Would like to hear your ideas...I've been chatting with performers to do some street theater at the ISAM this summer and/or improv music with dance...if your interested Id like to get together and collaberate with you... 
 
Hope your enjoying the thaw and each day is filled with SPRING FEVER juice...mine is rearing and I'm looking forward to the summer...

Krazy

Fri 4/8 9:58 AM

Blahkitty- 
 
Will we be meeting at 7am Sat?...Im managing to squeeze everything in between third shifts all weekend...I might be a little wacky...but sober since my last scene in Butoh...amazing things are happening 
 
Feeling a bit on the outs with you...you can be honest with me. Not sure if its just my sensativity, or your dissatisfaction of my over zealous nature I have to your teachings and mentoring through sobriety...I do have alot I can give back, with your patience. Your disdain is obvious though and tough to figure out. I know I cant force you into a situation if your uncomfortable with me... 
 
I would really appreciate an opportunity to continue working with Xperformance...but I seem to be out of the loop. 
 
Would like to get together and chat some time, I could really use your feedback. 
 
See you this weekend. 
 
Thanks, Krazy 

Sun 4/24 8:21 AM

Blahkitty, 
 
Emailed a couple times...know your busy and reeling with changes...can you spare some time...coffee? Let me know. Also, wanted to grab that bag from ya. Thanks, Krazy

Thu 5/12 11:38 AM

Blahkitty, 
 
For your own reasons, you've not returned my messages regarding Butoh. Its strange that when I read your postings regarding your teacher that I can relate so well to your desire to learn and dance. But you've chosen to disregard my interest. I realize you may be disappointed and I let the group down, but that was then, and as you well know we all make mistakes. 
 
I choose not to dwell on my mistakes, I learn and move on. I have a path to continue self discovery through Butoh, and connecting with groups; dancing and gaining knowledge from each other is a key part. I'll assume that if you don't contact me, your not welcoming me back. 
 
Keep in mind, I appreciate your willingness to share and teach, but my ultimate goal is to surround myself around others who are supportive, generous, and understanding. 
 
To uncover more messages of the body, 
through the layers; 
Butoh is the catalyst, 
freeing our conscious into the earth. 
 
Krazy 

Wed, 25 May 2005 10:36

krazy 
just a few things in response to your email. i wasn't going to respond but it seems that i will continue to run into you in various places in town. so in order to clear things up a little... 

it is not the mistakes we have made in the past it is how we change and grow from them. and believe me i never give up hope that people can change. however, i don't sense that growth in you right now. for me to be close to you as an artist, friend or sponsor is not healthy for me. i don't know if you know this, but i got a phone call from catherine sherwood a little while ago and she was concerned about your involvement with her 15 year old daughter. i don't know what your motives were exactly, but i was pretty sure they were not simply to help a young woman. i have known emily's family for almost 10 years, and to hear that her daughter is in a bad space and vulnerable is heartbreaking. but to prey on that vulnerability is even worse. this event happened outside of butoh, and i don't pass judgment on what you do in your personal life. but catherine called me because you mentioned me to emily. this is just one example of the numerous accounts were people in my life ask me about you, because you were talking to them about butoh, AA and me etc. from my hair stylist to my brother, and based on our experiences together, i can't even imagine what you are telling these people. so for my own sanity and the overall benefit of the group i had to let you go. i spent way to much time stressing over you, and it was only because i cared for you when others didn't. 
 
"keep in mind, I appreciate your willingness to share and teach, but my ultimate goal is to surround myself around others who are supportive, generous, and understanding."

i am glad you said this because that is exactly what i am doing. 

butoh has changed my life forever. it is the path i chose. the fact that others in the community are drawn to it is a phenomenon. there is nothing like what is happening in gr anywhere else in the midwest, including chicago and detroit. what we have created is sacred and unique. i will let anyone into the process who wants it. i long for people around me who can exchange this intensity with me. others who honor the work as alchemy, not as a means to an end. i have been incredibly patient when it came to you in the rehearsals and performances. when people were urging me to let you go, i defended you. as a recovering alcoholic, i put myself in your shoes over and over again. in my efforts to surround myself with supportive, generous, and understanding people, i have to let you go. 
 
with that said...i sincerely hope that you find peace of mind and continue to express your self through other art forms. 
 
blahkitty

Thu 5/26 1:05 PM

Blahkitty, 
 
I appreciate "your" honesty, however, I don't know if you have a true perspective of "me". First, I guess I can't understand when you speak of others wanting you to let me go, when in fact I did follow through on Lorca (sober) and until that night at Butoh, I was committed and I beleive I expressed that by always showing up and being open with the desire only to learn. When others showed up drunk or didn't show at all you kept them on. People not liking me is not important to me, I have no control of what others think. 
 
Second, I had a few brief encounters with Emily (while she was ditching school) and I met with her mom, only to give them information about an AA young people's meeting and encourage her to continue with school, your name was mentioned because Catherine knows you are in recovery and I was dancing at the UICA and also know you. Emily and her mom both know where I am in my recovery and I was very open and honest with them. I directed them both to seek others for help, and it was a good step for Emily, she just felt comfortable taking to me. At the time we discussed you it was only mentioned because of the success you've had in recovery. 
 
Do you find it so suprising that others like myself will talk about what we're working on as artists and your name as a teacher will come up. If you want to play the role as teacher and role model to others in recovery as well, people are going to mention you for your success and what you have helped them accomplish. I think you're being a bit dramatic when you say "I can't imagine what your telling them"...Blahkitty, really, how often in class or in your daily life have you mentioned your teachers. 
 
I really think the struggle you talk about is your own, and I can't take responsibility for your stress. You say you don't sense my growth, but you really have no idea who I really am. I am making progress with my recovery, I'm certainly not perfect. But I have a strong support system of people who are accepting and understanding. 
 
Quite honestly, I chose you because I thought you had a solid recovery, but your rejection of others and judgemental attitude is not something I need. I am more than willing to accept critism...It helps me learn about others and myself...but I think your actions latley have been cruel and childish. You're basing alot of your decisions on passing conversation, that really was small talk...which if you look at GR and the performance art arena, the UICA is the only alternative performance space for an artist like myself and only a few others. 
 
I can't imagine turning someone away from Butoh, for the reasons you've given me. Everyone expresses themselves in so many different ways when it comes to Butoh, and as far as I saw from the group, my performances may not have expressed someone who's been studying for 4 years, but of someone who is exploring and finding her way. 
 
I plan on contiuing with my work with Butoh, as well as other projects, with or without you as a teacher or supportive fellow artist. I do appreciate the time you've given, but I think you need to evaluate the quality of "caring" you speak of. As when it comes to being a teacher, sometimes we may not like our students personally, but if we truely care...tolerating the differences should be easy. 
 
Thanks for taking the time to hear my thoughts. 
 
Kindest regards, Krazy